One of *Those* IM Conversations

So, yeah. I quit talking on Yahoo instant Messenger a couple of years ago. Well, longer ago than that, really. But I still have this one friend, let’s call him my Best Girlfriend Forever (because that’s what I call him), who likes to chat on it.

He doesn’t like Skype, and he insists on using Messenger even though the only time I’d see his messages were when I’d check my Yahoo mail once a month or so, since I only used it for shopping and I absolutely never checked it because so much spam comes to that account it’s impossible to find real correspondence there anymore. Actually, one other friend who moved to Baltimore several years ago, and whom I hardly ever hear from, uses Messenger, too, and I’m embarrassed to say that I miss his messages most of the time.

So just for these two friends, let’s call them my Best Girlfriend Forever and That Guy Who Moved to Baltimore, I reinstalled Yahoo Instant Messenger when I got a new laptop. Just for Kicks. And for them.

Of course, only my BGFF knows I have it installed. I’m invisible to everyone else. Tonight, though, somehow and for some reason, I was visible for awhile. Out of the blue comes a certain troll I had not chatted with for several years.  Like, since I had used Messenger back in the days of the Virgin Training School.  The conversation, predictably, went like this:

winteret: Hi Aramink… the last time that we chatted I had told yo that I was fascinated with bellybuttons since each one is as unique as a fingeprint.  You were beginning to tell me about yours…

aramink_rust: I doubt that. Mine is uninteresting. I mostly use it for lint storage.  I also use it as a focus for meditation and contemplation.

winteret: That’s great.  What type do you have?

winteret: ????

aramink_rust: Lint-filled. I already told you.

winteret: Lol… so you have an Inne?

aramink_rust: Sometimes I take the lint out when I want to contemplate it, but when I have no other place to store the lint I have to contemplate a navel orange instead. It can be a problem.

winteret: You’re such a tease…. what coin size and how deep is it?

aramink_rust: Oh, I wouldn’t take money for it.  If I sold it, where would I store my lint?

winteret: Oh come on now… please stop being sarcastic…

aramink_rust: Who’s being sarcastic?  Not every container is suitable for lint storage, you know.

winteret: What does your knot look lke?

winteret: ????

aramink_rust: My knot? I’ve never examined it.

winteret: Your knot is the pattern located at the bttom of your bellyhole.  What does it look like?

aramink_rust: Um… I’m thinking it looks like, well, a belly button.

winteret: Every bellybutton is as unique as a fingerprint… the outer rim, the inner walls and the pattern (knot) at the bottom of the hloe.  What does yours look like?

aramink_rust: There’s a lot of lint in the way.  I’d pick it out, but I think I need a crochet hook. I can knit a sweater with all the lint I have crammed in there.

winteret: do you like having it tongued?

aramink_rust: What?! You just asked if I like having it tongued! Fucking freak-ass fucktard! You want to turn my collection of belly-button lint into boiled wool! I just know you do!

winteret: Mmmmmm… do you do any bondage?

aramink_rust: You want to tie me down with my own belly button lint!  Shit!  You’re freaking me out, Dude!  I mean, how crazy is this going to get? Next you’re, like, going to want to have belly-button buttsecks!  Ew!

winteret: What’s wrong??

aramink_rust: What’s wrong? WHAT’S WRONG? You’re tying me down with boiled wool made from my own belly-button lint, you’ve threatened me with belly-button buttsecks, and you want to know what’s WRONG?

winteret: What type of gag do you prefer to be gagged with?

winteret: ????

aramink_rust: Mmmffff!!!!

winteret: mmmmmmmmmmmmm… I thought so

So tell me: What do you do with your lint while having smokin’ hot belly-button buttsecks?