Typical IM Conversation
Him: hi, do you like younger men?
Me: how much younger?
Me: Like, young enough to be my offspring? no
Me: dangerously close to offspring territory at 28, sorry
Him: close, but not in
Me: If I had been unlucky in high school, we’d be in offspring territory
Him: but were not, so what part of sd are you in?
Me: sd? I’m in arkansas
Him: what part?
Me: Little Rock
Me: why? where are you?
Him: san diego
Him: what do you do for fun in LR
Me: The obvious – we reminisce about presidential politics, independent counsels, and being involved in Bill Clinton’s love life.
Him: ha! bill clinton my hero
Me: really? most people claim to hate him
Me: they lie, though
Him: yea i think he an interesting guy
Me: So long as he was in office we never had to worry about nuclear annihilation. He was having way too much fun ever to push the button.
Him: yea, goodtimes
Him: you ever come to SD?
Me: Never been there. Hear there’s a great zoo, complete with Pandas, tho
Him: Always with the Zoo! why is it so popular?
Me: dunno. Never been there. I’ve just heard that it’s a good one
Me: Is it?
Him: its ok
Him: I think Ive been there too many times
Me: that’s all? Just “ok”?
Me: jaded, huh
Him: Yea I have a “Fun Pass” so I can go all year for free
Me: well, if you ever come to Little Rock, go to the zoo. You’ll acquire a new appreciation for San Diego’s, I’m sure
Him: that bad huh?
Me: No pandas
Him: do they just have a bunch of dogs or something?
Me: prairie dogs
Me: well, we think so
Him: you’re single?
Him: man, you’re so far away that sucks
Me: yeah. And I’m so old. That sucks, too
Him: youre really cute though, and I LOVE women that are older than I
Him: 43 right? thats not old
Me: yeah, well, call me “Ma’am.” Mind your manners, you young whippersnapper.
Me: 44. I had a birthday last month.
Him: mmmmm yummy
Him: as long as you dont wear granny panties, I’m good
Me: oh, baby. I should fire up the web cam and let you see my very large cotton granny panties.
Him: wait, thats not funny
Me: then why were you laughing?
Me: admit it – you laughed
Him: a little
Him: I would have prefered if you said thong, or crotchless or something like that
Me: ok. My EDIBLE CROTCHLESS non-THONG very large cotton granny panties
Me: Did that do anything for you?
Him: A slight giggle
Him: still makes me hungry though
Me: the edible part, right?
Him: I can eat them into thongs
Me: It’s dinner time on the left coast
Me: you’d nibble around the edges, huh
Him: at first
Me: Don’t go there. You’re much too young and you’ll offend my Victorian sensibilities
Him: Do I have to work around a chastity belt or something?
Me: yep. Not to mention a corset
Me: oh – wait – no
Me: a corset might turn you on
Him: yes it would
Me: so… a hoop skirt and bloomers
Him: you’re being very anti-erection right now
Me: yeah, well, given your age I’m disinclined to inspire an erection
Me: It feels too much like kiddie porn
Him: I saw your pic, and I doubt that
Me: please don’t be offended, it’s just that I’m quite elderly
Me: matronly, even
Me: and no, normally I’m not anti-erection at all
Me: I’m very pro-erection
Me: It’s politically expedient in today’s climate to be pro-erection
Me: It’s an erection year, after all
Me: I mean, election year
Me: or something
Me: Hmmm. guess I chased him off…
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